3 Quick Ways to Self Soothe When You Feel Anxious

Wondering what to do in those moments when you’re at your limit? We’ve all been there. Luckily, there are a few quick ways to regulate your nervous system quickly.

Moms out there, I see you. You’re always being touched, always being needed, the work is never done, the mental load of parenting is exhausting. This is not to say that you’re miserable all the time either, but I want to validate and honor the experience many moms have of being overwhelmed, stressed out and unsure of how to carve out time to regulate themselves. We all respond better, more calmly, rationally, and with more empathy when we are not dysregulated and wanting to jump out of our skin. Read on for a few tips that you can start using today!

Tip #1- Tapping

One of my favorite ways to regulate my emotions or self soothe when I’m feeling overwhelmed, on guard, or tense is to use a butterfly hug (tapping) with a very short visualization. In the video below, you can see me walk through this exercise briefly.  

Here’s your quick start guide to use bilateral stimulation, here in the form of tapping, to reduce arousal/overstimulation/intense emotions and sensations:

1. Find a comfortable position, and begin slow taps alternating sides. This can be with your arms crossed over one another, the classic butterfly hug in the EMDR community, or you can tap on your legs, your forearms, whatever works for you. Find a rhythm that feels comfortable for you, whatever that may be. 

2. As you tap, close your eyes if that’s comfortable, and visualize yourself floating on a cloud.  Some questions you may explore while visualizing could be:

1. What does it look like floating on this cloud (the imagery)?

2. What does it feel like for you, being on this cloud? What does the cloud feel like on your skin?

3. Are there any sounds or smells or tastes that are coming up for you while you float? 

3. That’s it. When you’ve done it for a few breath cycles, maybe a minute to three minutes, check in with yourself.

I like this one for myself because it’s quick, I can remember the visualization cue easily, and I find it to be effective in regulating my breathing (my breathing tends to slow, as I’m tapping slowly). Basically, it works!

Allie shows how to use slow, bilateral stimulation to self soothe!

Tip #2- Find Your Mantra

This one is great because you can add it to whatever other skill you may already use (including the tapping you just learned!). This is taking the concept of positive self talk, and making it short and sweet. We all go through difficult times, and despite knowing intellectual, cognitively that we will get through whatever ‘it’ is that is causing us stress, based on prior experiences, our nervous systems may disagree. You may know, in your brain, that you will be able to enjoy the holiday with your family once it comes, but the days leading up to it have been painful and you’ve doubted yourself for weeks now. 

Find a saying, a coping thought, a mantra, that resonates with you and repeat it. Repeat it again. And again. Add in slow tapping back and forth, add in going for a 5 minute walk, add in a hot quick shower. Add the words to another ritual/movement that you find soothing.

Here are some examples of coping thoughts (or make your own!):

-I can feel anxious and still deal with this situation.

-This feeling is not forever.

-I am safe at this moment.

-I have been through this before and survived.

-My thoughts are not always my friends.

Tip #3- Use Your Senses

Ok so this last one, you’ll see, is related to tip #1 in that you’ll be using your senses to help deactiviate yourself. Grounding skills help us to go from disconnected, to connected. That might be connected to someone else, like your child, that might be connected to yourself or the environment. I like it because it works, it’s simple to remember, and  you can do it anywhere!

What this skill is about is bringing you into the present moment instead of being caught up in memories that are being activated by triggers (like hearing your kid cry and that sound activating the time you dropped her and the intense guilt and helplessness you felt). The idea of the skill is that by bringing your attention to your 5 senses, your body cannot give the same amount of attention to the emotions at the same time (and you’d prefer not to have intense guilt, or anxiety or sadness in the moment because it’s not effective). 

Here are the steps:

• Name 5 things you can see right now. Say them out loud.

• Name 4 things you can touch. Notice the sensation of clothing you're wearing or the chair you’re sitting in. Actually touch them/feel them.

• Name 3 things you can hear. Pay attention to sounds way off in the distance and sounds close by. 

• Name 2 things you can smell. Do you notice the smell of cut grass in the distance? Do you notice a lotion or shampoo smell lingering? If you don’t smell anything, look for something with a scent like a candle or coffee. 

• Name one thing you can taste. Pop a mint into your mouth and pay attention to the taste. Or take a sip of a soda. Focus on the flavors.

This one is straightforward and so effective! I have used this skill myself when faced with test taking situations, presentations I was about to give and even before a difficult conversation.

I hope these 3 tips are useful for you. I know what it’s like to not know what to do next and so nothing gets done. That cycle only perpetuates your belief that you’re not a valuable parent, and you are. If you live in Ohio or New York, message me today for a free consult.