3 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Want to Quit
Maybe I’m biased but my opinion on quitting is that sometimes it’s the best thing for you! Moms have enough stress and responsibilities on their plates without continuing in something they wish they could quit. But how do you know when it’s the right thing and when you should push through?
I don’t believe in the trope of “you have to pay your dues” or “you need to finish what you start”. If those are phrases you grew up hearing, you may have internalized them to mean that you’re a failure if you quit or even if you consider quitting.
If you’re thinking of quitting/bailing/ending something, and you’re a perfectionist or anxious person, I bet you often second guess yourself. The thought of quitting something feels like it’s going against what you’ve worked for, what you’ve been taught.
Here are my 3 questions I always ask myself (and recommend to clients) before making any decision:
How long have you felt this way? Is this brand new because you’re having one of those days? That’s ok, if you are. I ask this to bring attention to trends. If you’ve been thinking about this, feeling like it’s not for you, pay attention to that. If it’s a category of tasks such as cleaning or organizing that you dread every week and it’s not realistic to completely ‘quit’, then my suggestion is still to get curious! Ask yourself what about cleaning (for this example) is making you dread it, or feel overwhelmed or avoidant? For some moms, it’s that they feel like the job is never completed and for others, it’s more about not being appreciated or valued by family members after cleaning. The reason it’s bothering you matters and is the first place to start.
What would be different if I quit? Would I have more free time for something I really enjoy? Would I gain self esteem? Would I be able to find a job that treats me with respect? Spend some time reflecting on this. For the cleaning example that I’ll continue with here: if you made a change in this area, is it feasible and would it change the way you felt about yourself? If you were able to delegate some tasks such as vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom to someone else (a hired someone else counts, too) how would that change your routine, your time, your emotions? For some, this may mean having some blunt conversations with their partner or older children. For others, perhaps a dive into the budget to see if a housekeeper could be added.
Can I afford not to quit? What I mean is, are you losing a part of yourself by staying/not quitting? Are you waking up dreading the thought of this job or this person or this class? Your energy and spirit are worth asking yourself this question. So, for our example, would having help with the load of cleaning the house/household chores decrease your anxiety and give you some breathing room? Would hiring a housekeeper mean that you cook one extra meal per week in exchange for not doing something you hate? It might be worth it. It may not, but if you don’t explore these questions, you’ll never know.
I hope that by giving you this template of questions to explore, you’ll give yourself a chance to consider what not quitting may mean for you. And, I sincerely hope that there will be some quitting of things in your future.
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