We all know how stressful back to school season can be for parents and teachers, but what about our kids? 

We’ve all felt the increased pressure to accomplish tasks, get everything ready in time so that the first day of school is as seamless and smooth as possible. The clothes are picked out, lunches packed, activities planned and schedules rearranged. Sometimes the ones who get left out unintentionally are the kids themselves. It is quite possible, and typical, for young people  to experience both excitement and anxiety/stress regarding going back to school. Schedules have majorly shifted from the less hectic summer season, pressure has been building internally for our teens regarding their peers, how they will be perceived and not to mention the academic related nerves. 

As relatable as all of this is for parents and caregivers, it can be difficult to know how to engage teens in a meaningful discussion about their emotions and how to manage the stress they feel.  Our children have been thrown into a (oftentimes) chaotic learning environment that can be a jolt to their systems whether this is a new school or they’ve been there for 3 years. School settings and the anticipation that accompanies them can heighten adolescents’ senses (even when they enjoy school). Think about your first day at a new job, or even back to work from a vacation: you’ve probably been wondering what’s awaiting you. Will there be piles of work you weren’t expecting? Will you be behind compared to coworkers? Has a big announcement come out that you’ve missed and now you’ll be the odd one out?  These can be very similar to the thoughts young adults have as they enter school again. I have some tips to start implementing to teach teens about emotions and coping with discomfort. 

Tip 1: Model it Yourself 

Some adults already engage in lots of coping skills that help decrease intense emotions. Although, some adults don’t. No matter which one you identify with, start modeling the healthy ways you tend to your emotions. This might look like taking 20-30 minutes to yourself at the end of the work day to decompress and have “you time” whether it’s on a walk, talking to a friend, or listening to a podcast on the couch. Model these for your kids and vocalize how they help you. Upon seeing my teenager after school, I might say something like “I went for a walk after work to calm my body and mind. It really helps me be the best mom I can be.” The more you share about what you do to care for yourself, without judgment or minimizing the importance, the more your kids will learn this is a tool for them! 

Tip 2: Avoid the After School Interrogation

Lots of folks have gotten into a standard routine of picking up their kid/getting them when they arrive home and immediately asking them “How was your day? How was math? Did you get that paper turned in on time?” This is well intended of course, and can also unintentionally increase their stress levels. They just finished a day of having to be “on”, maybe had some sensory overload, maybe they just feel exhausted. Try starting a new after school routine with your teen. Have them pick a song to share that encapsulates the day they had at school or their current mood. Give them the space to be on their phone, airpods in, or play a video game for a chunk of time before jumping in. Over time, your new routine will likely have given them the space to regulate their bodies and minds after school which ultimately will increase communication. 

Tip 3: Teach Them 

Lastly, incorporate some new (or tried and true) relaxation skills into your routine with your child. Try a yoga class (or free youtube video) and have them comment on any changes in their body afterwards. Do a short guided visualization with them (tons on youtube, spotify, etc) and share how you experienced it yourself. Some of my favorite relaxation exercises are short and easy to access like this progressive muscle relaxation playlist from spotify. Trying new things can be fun and engaging and you as the parent can again model and teach your teen that tending to their bodies is equally as important as producing homework each night. 

For those of you parents who feel overwhelmed by these tips and don’t know where to start, I see you. You’re not alone and the worries you have about raising a teenager today are valid. Not everything has to be the parents’ job. Refer your teen to therapy, allow them a safe person outside of their family to learn and grow with. You can read more here about picking the right therapist. 

Our words and actions all matter to our kids- they watch us, they hear us, and look up to us. They are taking cues from you on how to manage stress and body tension, so give them straight forward answers by starting the conversation yourself!