Most moms experience stress during the holidays. The meals, the gifts, the activities, the extended family time. What’s not to be stressed about?! Read on for some info on how to know it’s not just “normal” stress and that you’ve reached your limit. 

How Do I Know I’m Stressed Out?

It’s a time of year that’s been hyped up and commercialized not because it’s necessarily the most important time of the year for your specific family, but because it makes a lot of companies a lot of money. If you’re a stressed out mom, you likely have been asking yourself some of these questions:

1. What are the best (most popular) presents, and do I have them? What about toys that are “best” for their specific developmental stage?

2. Did I plan the photo shoot already? Oh crap, is everyone already booked?

3. Ok, if I don’t do a photo shoot, I have to at least send holiday cards, right?

4. What pic do I post on social media so people will think I’m a great, fun, chill mom and not the stressed out, overwhelmed mom I am? 

Some Other Indicators of Holiday Mom Stress

You Have Decision Fatigue. This means that as the holidays get closer, you’ve found it more and more difficult to make decisions, even little ones. For example, you're typically the one who is in charge of picking out the holiday outfits or the menu and this year you find yourself struggling to choose even where to begin. Maybe your in-laws ask for suggestions of gifts to get the kids and you can’t think of anything even though normally you’d already have a list made. You may even feel a brain fog or have a hard time getting things organized in your mind. It can be very overwhelming to have to continue to make choices all day long, every week, every month, not to mention the added responsibilities of the holidays. This can be incredibly frustrating to go through and a sign that your body and mind need a break. 

You Don’t Seem to Care Much About Your Own Needs. Your spouse asks you what you want for Hanukkah and you have literally no idea what you want. You can’t decide because it just doesn’t seem that important. This can be a huge red flag of feeling stressed out because you’ve hit a point where your own wants and needs don’t carry enough weight to be a priority. Now, this can be a normal (yet shitty) experience for moms. In our toxic society, overworking and overscheduling have been seen as signs of a great mom. On top of the pervasive sexist belief that women are “made for motherhood”, moms are overtly told that they should feel honored to put themselves last. Whew. It’s no wonder maternal anxiety is on the rise. According to a report from the Everyday Health Group “Sixty four percent of Millennial mothers say they are experiencing some anxiety, while 32 percent label those feelings as ‘moderate’ to ‘severe.’” That’s a lot of moms.

You Keep Comparing Yourself To Other Moms. Constantly comparing yourself to other moms, whether these are friends of yours or Instagram moms, can be extremely harmful to your mental health. If you find yourself scrolling and notice an inner dialogue saying “you don’t take your kids to see Christmas light displays, why are you so lazy?” or “Why can’t you be a chill mom and do more arts and crafts?” then you may be in need of a reset and some therapy. It is so easy, especially during the holidays, to be in a loop of comparison with other mothers because often, we’re scrolling to get ideas. However, if you start scrolling with a good intent and put your phone down feeling guilty, anxious and disappointed then perhaps ask yourself why? Moms get enough pressure put on them throughout the year, regardless of support from family, partners, friends. Ultimately, many moms I work with feel that the responsibilities of the household/the children/the planning/vacations are on them. And even though many moms feel this way, when we compare ourselves to the fun loving mom embracing messy crafts and looking like an influencer, we feel alone. 

So, Now What?

Take a second and reflect on how you see yourself as not a mom, but a human first. Do you feel, in your gut, that you’re enough? That you have value just as you are right now? If the answers are no, you could be greatly helped by exploring this in therapy. EMDR Therapy, specifically, can be helpful in identifying the underlying negative beliefs about yourself (such as I am not valued, I am worthless, my best is not good enough, etc) and associated memories. Simply put, it can be a non-invasive, quicker, more effective way of treating the stress you’re experiencing so that you can be present in a way that is most authentically you without carrying along your painful past. Read more about EMDR Therapy here. If you’re an Ohio or New York resident, contact me today to see if EMDR therapy is right for you.